"A good tree does not bear rotten fruit, nor does a rotten tree bear good fruit. For every tree is known by its own fruit. for people do not pick figs from thorn bushes, nor do they gather grapes from brambles. A good person out of the store of goodness in his heart produces good, but an evil person our of a store of evil produces evil; for from the fullness of the heart the mouth speaks." Luke 6:43-45
We are desperately trying to grow strawberries this year. Every other year, they are eaten by something before we get to them. So far so good!!
"I have waited, waited for the Lord, and he stooped toward me and heard my cry. He drew me out of the pit of destruction, out of the mud of the swamp; He set my feet upon a crag; he made from my steps, And he put a new song into my mouth, a hymn to our God Many shall look on in awe and trust in the LORD." Psalm 40: 2-4
These were my Nana's. They now sit in my son's room. She was a wonderful grandmother! I took this shot with the hipstamatic app on my iPhone. My favorite phone app...EVER!!
I have begun reading the CCC each morning so that I can grow to understand myself and the gift that is the Catholic Church. This book is definitely a gift. Each day gives me something concrete to work on, something to think of and pray about and understand more fully. Now whether I choose to do it is the thing. God still gives me free will and I want nothing more than to please Him. For He is the one who Knows me, Loves me and Strengthens me.
I read an article today about the amazing things that are happening on the campus of Texas A&M and in this article it mentioned a program for the kids about the TV and Internet. Do you use it unnecessarily? Now there is a whole lot more to this article, but this one spoke to me personally. I have an iPad. I spend too much time playing with it. I know this and so that is why this article spoke to me. I have made it a point to cut back on time spent on it, especially if it is unnecessary. This was how I had begun comparing myself to others. I love to read people's blogs, I love to peak into their lives. It is hard for me to give that up. I am a very social person and feel very left out when things happen without me. It is time for me to give that up. "Let it go and let God." ( I love this saying) It is time for me to look more closely at how we can have a house that functions so that we are not always "wishing" for order, but having order. We have a very busy schedule and it is hard to find what works. It's time for me to find what works for our family. I have read so many books and really did try to tweak them to fit our family, they didn't. It's time for our own program.
The hardest part of this will be to stop comparing myself to others. I am a temple of the Holy Spirit, but am I allowing Him to share residence with my soul? Am I making all the choices, without regards to His guidance? Do I need to step out of the way and let the Love flow? I think it's time for me to say "So Long Self!"
So now I will begin each day with the Holy Spirit prayer and ask Our Lord to help me step out of the way...
To the Holy Spirit
Breathe into me, Holy Spirit, that my thoughts may all be holy. Move in me, Holy Spirit, that my work, too, may be holy. Attract my heart, Holy Spirit, that I may love only what is holy. Strengthen me, Holy Spirit, that I may defend all that is holy. Protect me, Holy Spirit, that I may always be holy. St. Augustine
This February brings us beautiful weather, beautiful children and lots of spring time opportunities. I have spent my time since Christmas trying to start planning for next year's school year. My oldest will be entering high school and we have decided to homeschool for this next part of our and her journey. While searching through blogs, and visiting with friends I find myself filling with negative thoughts about the "teacher" I am. Now I have a degree in education so it's not that I am not well trained. It's just that I look at where my children are and I feel inadequate. Why do I feel the need to compare them to others? Why do I feel that they aren't exactly where God has led us? Why do I question this obviously amazing journey that we are supposed to be on? I find myself feeling this way and then with all the other pressures of life, I find that I lose my patience. And it is then where I see my most hurtful self. These children aren't like anyone else's because they are mine given to me by One who knows so much better than I do. They were given to me because only I know what's best for them. We are their parents because we know just what level they are supposed to be on, and we know what best learning style is theirs. I know them almost as well as He does. I love them almost as much as He does. My life with them isn't supposed to look like anyone else's. I shouldn't feel badly that my house isn't clean and perfect at all times. I shouldn't compare myself or my children to those whom I've followed online, or those who I know in real life.
While I've been toying with all of these realizations, the thoughts to stop reading others blogs keeps entering my mind. What if...I stopped reading others so that I wouldn't compare myself? When I think about it, I realize that others only let you see what they want you to see. What if...I started chronicling my thoughts, for me? What if...I took the time that I spend trying to find inspiration from others and started trying to find it from the One who inspires? What if...I sit down to my own blog and write about my life? My REAL life. Just for me. So that I will be able to see that I do have many accomplishments and many things that will inspire me and maybe others. So my new "challenge" for myself is to sit down and pour out my thoughts that ramble through my head. Pour out my days so that I will realize that I am a wonderful wife, mother and teacher, and not because of anything I do, but because of what He did and continues to do for me and through me!
So it is with a prayerful heart that I come back to this place of mine in cyberspace to place my thoughts so that I can maybe organize my life better so that I will find peace in Him which is my wish for all of you!
I think it is time for me to admit that I am not going to be one of those mom's who blogs often. I would love to. The ideas are always flowing through my mind and I think "oh, I would love to document this moment so it is there forever." But then Life Happens. For the most part, I am a busy mom of four very active children. I homeschool them, and although I hate to admit it, I am inconsistent. I find it very hard to stick to things. I come up with awesome plans, and then I get sick. I map out our week, and then find that we have to add things to it. It is time for me to make habits. I have studied Charlotte Mason for about a year and a half now and I think I am just now realizing how important the habits are that she so eloquently talks about. I finally get it!
I have begun new habits with the help of Fly Lady. Keeping in mind the baby steps. Using the time that I have been given. I signed up for the emails and started looking into it about a month ago. It was overwhelming so that was it. I just deleted them all. Then one day I stopped and actually read one. It was a flight plan for the next week. The bathroom zone. I thought "I sure would love to have a clean bathroom." So I tried it out. It was amazing! My bathroom has been clean for over a week. No clutter, no grime. It takes less than 3 minutes a day. The next zone was the Master bedroom. I was so excited! No clutter in MY bedroom! Bring it on! Well, unfortunately the only thing that came was a virus. I've spent the last week in bed. Instead of feeling discouraged, I thought "I can still do this." So, with the help of my very organized 10 year old, we conquered the night stand yesterday. It is so freeing to get rid of clutter and keep only the necessities. Today the dresser!
It truly is all about baby steps. This journey we are on is taken one step at a time. So if this finds you walking up a big mountain, know that you can cross it. Just take it one step at a time and enjoy letting Him take every step with you.
