Wednesday, April 23, 2014

My aunt...

This is my aunt.  After each of my daughters were born she would come and stay with me to help me.  During each of her breaks from teaching, she would come and stay with me and help me.  We became very close and I will always treasure the time spent with her and the time my children have had with her.  When she retired from teaching, she moved close to my sister to become her nanny.  She has a heart of gold and cares so much for others.

About a year ago she moved to our area to be closer to my mom (her sister) and me. She had started struggling with memory issues and we felt it would be best.  She was unable to drive anymore and take her medications without confusion.  We found the most amazing independent living home and she moved in.  She was diagnosed with mild cognitive impairment.  We love having her close and my parents and I are able to be there for her for all her dr appts. and anything else she needs.  The bond my children have has only grown closer as they now help care for her.

Almost three weeks ago she fell getting out of the shower and broke her arm.  My parents were out of town.  Hope's play was finishing it's last weekend of shows.  It was a crazy time.  We quickly realized she needed more help than I could give her alone.  We found an amazing company that has the most caring, knowledgeable, and kind caregivers to be with her every day all day and all night.  It has been the hardest time in my life.  Having to make decisions for someone who has been independent her whole life.  She taught in inner city San Francisco for over 30 years.  She has a brilliant mind and it's so hard to watch her struggle with it.  She feels so ignorant.

Being able to be there for her through this all has been such a gift to me.  It has been difficult and my children have seen me reduced to a helpless person who can only be carried by Our Lord, who has allowed this beautiful suffering to grow me.  Spiritually.  This Easter is truly one for rejoicing.  Not because all is better, and the struggles are over, but because with the struggles comes the Love and feeling it and knowing it are the reasons to sing "Alleluia" from the top of my lungs!

May you all find the joy in the times of suffering and may you all be able to sing Alleluia from the top of your lungs!

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Jumping in where I am...

So many posts have made it into my mind, yet none have made it onto these pages.  There is something therapeutic about writing that I feel brings me a peace that I am desperately in need of.  For the past few years I have had my Lenten sacrifices chosen for me.  Usually a sickness but last year was surgery.  A surgery that would forever remove my chances of having a child inside of me again.  I was truly at peace with this decision, it had to be done.  In order for me to be present in my husband and children's lives.  I am still at peace, but definitely feel a yearning every so often.  But then I think about grandchildren and it will be no time at all that I will have a joy that will surpass anything that I have yet known.

In March I came across a workshop that looked interesting, but didn't really appeal to me.  It was for those suffering burnout.  I'm a pretty busy person, but never really felt I have suffered from burnout.  After spending two days with the workshop, my dearest friend, insisted that I join.  So knowing that I would get something out of it, I signed up.  Ha!  God had a plan for this Lent that has thrown me into complete and total submission to His will and has left me so helpless that only He can take over from here. This workshop was with me every step of the way.   I have been pulled into every direction even when I had nothing left to give.  It all fell on me.  With the support of my amazing husband and children, I got through it.  I was able to rejoice on the most beautiful day of the entire year.  I feel a joy in the new life that is ahead.  The journey that I have traveled has allowed me to grow in ways that I didn't know I needed to and allowed me to be pruned into more of His image.  I rejoice in the sufferings and I rejoice in the new birth. "We are an Easter people and Allelluia is our song!"  St. Augustine.

I pray that you will find joy and peace in all the sufferings brought to you in your life, because it truly is where He allows us to know Him, to serve Him and to love Him.  
Happy Easter from our family to yours!