This February brings us beautiful weather, beautiful children and lots of spring time opportunities. I have spent my time since Christmas trying to start planning for next year's school year. My oldest will be entering high school and we have decided to homeschool for this next part of our and her journey. While searching through blogs, and visiting with friends I find myself filling with negative thoughts about the "teacher" I am. Now I have a degree in education so it's not that I am not well trained. It's just that I look at where my children are and I feel inadequate. Why do I feel the need to compare them to others? Why do I feel that they aren't exactly where God has led us? Why do I question this obviously amazing journey that we are supposed to be on? I find myself feeling this way and then with all the other pressures of life, I find that I lose my patience. And it is then where I see my most hurtful self. These children aren't like anyone else's because they are mine given to me by One who knows so much better than I do. They were given to me because only I know what's best for them. We are their parents because we know just what level they are supposed to be on, and we know what best learning style is theirs. I know them almost as well as He does. I love them almost as much as He does. My life with them isn't supposed to look like anyone else's. I shouldn't feel badly that my house isn't clean and perfect at all times. I shouldn't compare myself or my children to those whom I've followed online, or those who I know in real life.
While I've been toying with all of these realizations, the thoughts to stop reading others blogs keeps entering my mind. What if...I stopped reading others so that I wouldn't compare myself? When I think about it, I realize that others only let you see what they want you to see. What if...I started chronicling my thoughts, for me? What if...I took the time that I spend trying to find inspiration from others and started trying to find it from the One who inspires? What if...I sit down to my own blog and write about my life? My REAL life. Just for me. So that I will be able to see that I do have many accomplishments and many things that will inspire me and maybe others. So my new "challenge" for myself is to sit down and pour out my thoughts that ramble through my head. Pour out my days so that I will realize that I am a wonderful wife, mother and teacher, and not because of anything I do, but because of what He did and continues to do for me and through me!
So it is with a prayerful heart that I come back to this place of mine in cyberspace to place my thoughts so that I can maybe organize my life better so that I will find peace in Him which is my wish for all of you!
PEACE be with you all!!