And so it begins...

For the past two years I have been unable to receive ashes on Ash Wednesday. Last year I had just given birth, this year I was too sick to make it. It was so hard for me both years, although last year was easier to accept. This year I had so many ideas I wanted to prepare for my family for Lent, but God had other plans. For the past three weeks someone was sick in my family. The baby for 2 weeks and then my husband and I for the third week. What a beautiful way to start out the Lenten season when you really have no control over what is happening in your life. This is truly going out into the dessert and just relying solely on God. I have grown so much in the past three days since Lent began. My prayer life has been amazing and the sufferings have brought me to Him right there on the cross. I have several friends who are also struggling with illnesses and I think we all agree that we prefer the ashes, but I wouldn't trade it for anything right now as it was the road I was chosen for.

Now that I am on the upswing again and actually feeling human again. I can really see how much closer to Christ I am when I am suffering. It's hard to let it go, sometimes. I hope to continue this wonderful closeness all throughout the Lenten season and continue my journey to Him in everything I do. The good and the bad, the hard and the easy, the work and the play. It is this that I have learned from these past few days and I pray that it stays this way for the next 37 (not counting Sundays)!

Peace of Christ be with you all!

Self sacrificing love

On my way to soccer practice for my oldest daughter I caught sight of another soccer practice with about 10 little girls and a dad who was out there sacrificing his time to be the "coach" to these adorable little ones. It made me think about my husband who was also on a field at that exact moment coaching our other two daughters. It made me reflect on how much we as parents, sacrifice throughout our children's lives. It's a sacrifice completely worth the effort. Soccer has brought true joy and bonding to our family. We all know that Saturday is a family day just because we have soccer. I thought of all the moms and dads who coach, drive and continuously give of their time and talent to help all these beautiful creatures grow in so many ways through their example of self sacrificing love. Don't get me wrong, my husband loves certain parts of this experience, but mostly it causes him to wonder if he's actually the best one for this "job."

He has to make so many sacrifices to be able to be there for two of our daughters every Saturday, plus practices. But it's all worth it when his daughters show him such gratitude and love just because he's there. In the end, I know our children won't care that daddy didn't make as much money, but they will care that he was there and their coach for all these years.

We are so blessed and I thank God that our Daddy (and all the others out on those fields) has the flexibility in his job to be able to give of this self sacrificing gift to our children.

Where is the love?

I try not to watch the news. I find that it makes me so sad and I start to wonder about people and how such horrible things can happen. I also find that it is at these times that I should be praying and tend to put that off, to watch these horrible stories. What happened to the times when it was unspeakable to leave your wife, or unheard of to live together in sin. When did "we" become okay with looking the other way and letting the innocence be ripped from our lives while we just sit idly by and let it take over the TV. I remember being able to watch shows with my parents. Now, there are NO shows on at night that I would let my children watch.

Is it a wonder that people don't know how to love anymore. There is no one out there showing them how real love is. It is hard work, lots of fun, and more hard work. People have become so self absorbed that they think that everything in life should be easy, and that the grass is always greener. All you find is that when you leave one relationship for another, you just have different problems. Life is a struggle, full of self sacrificing. Just think of how much stronger a marriage is when it is lived with the real love and lasts forever. I find that my feelings for my husband are so much stronger than 16 years ago when we married. I had no idea that I could feel this strongly and it just grows more and more. When we go through struggles, it just keeps growing once we work them out. We are so close and it's because we make it through the hard times.

I don't know exactly what brought this all on, maybe it's the upcoming holiday, that celebrates something so far from love. It doesn't matter what present I get, it's the true love of my husband that brings me the most joy and not just on Feb. 14, but everyday!!

I love you, Brian, more and more everyday!!!