And so it begins...

For the past two years I have been unable to receive ashes on Ash Wednesday. Last year I had just given birth, this year I was too sick to make it. It was so hard for me both years, although last year was easier to accept. This year I had so many ideas I wanted to prepare for my family for Lent, but God had other plans. For the past three weeks someone was sick in my family. The baby for 2 weeks and then my husband and I for the third week. What a beautiful way to start out the Lenten season when you really have no control over what is happening in your life. This is truly going out into the dessert and just relying solely on God. I have grown so much in the past three days since Lent began. My prayer life has been amazing and the sufferings have brought me to Him right there on the cross. I have several friends who are also struggling with illnesses and I think we all agree that we prefer the ashes, but I wouldn't trade it for anything right now as it was the road I was chosen for.

Now that I am on the upswing again and actually feeling human again. I can really see how much closer to Christ I am when I am suffering. It's hard to let it go, sometimes. I hope to continue this wonderful closeness all throughout the Lenten season and continue my journey to Him in everything I do. The good and the bad, the hard and the easy, the work and the play. It is this that I have learned from these past few days and I pray that it stays this way for the next 37 (not counting Sundays)!

Peace of Christ be with you all!

Self sacrificing love

On my way to soccer practice for my oldest daughter I caught sight of another soccer practice with about 10 little girls and a dad who was out there sacrificing his time to be the "coach" to these adorable little ones. It made me think about my husband who was also on a field at that exact moment coaching our other two daughters. It made me reflect on how much we as parents, sacrifice throughout our children's lives. It's a sacrifice completely worth the effort. Soccer has brought true joy and bonding to our family. We all know that Saturday is a family day just because we have soccer. I thought of all the moms and dads who coach, drive and continuously give of their time and talent to help all these beautiful creatures grow in so many ways through their example of self sacrificing love. Don't get me wrong, my husband loves certain parts of this experience, but mostly it causes him to wonder if he's actually the best one for this "job."

He has to make so many sacrifices to be able to be there for two of our daughters every Saturday, plus practices. But it's all worth it when his daughters show him such gratitude and love just because he's there. In the end, I know our children won't care that daddy didn't make as much money, but they will care that he was there and their coach for all these years.

We are so blessed and I thank God that our Daddy (and all the others out on those fields) has the flexibility in his job to be able to give of this self sacrificing gift to our children.

Where is the love?

I try not to watch the news. I find that it makes me so sad and I start to wonder about people and how such horrible things can happen. I also find that it is at these times that I should be praying and tend to put that off, to watch these horrible stories. What happened to the times when it was unspeakable to leave your wife, or unheard of to live together in sin. When did "we" become okay with looking the other way and letting the innocence be ripped from our lives while we just sit idly by and let it take over the TV. I remember being able to watch shows with my parents. Now, there are NO shows on at night that I would let my children watch.

Is it a wonder that people don't know how to love anymore. There is no one out there showing them how real love is. It is hard work, lots of fun, and more hard work. People have become so self absorbed that they think that everything in life should be easy, and that the grass is always greener. All you find is that when you leave one relationship for another, you just have different problems. Life is a struggle, full of self sacrificing. Just think of how much stronger a marriage is when it is lived with the real love and lasts forever. I find that my feelings for my husband are so much stronger than 16 years ago when we married. I had no idea that I could feel this strongly and it just grows more and more. When we go through struggles, it just keeps growing once we work them out. We are so close and it's because we make it through the hard times.

I don't know exactly what brought this all on, maybe it's the upcoming holiday, that celebrates something so far from love. It doesn't matter what present I get, it's the true love of my husband that brings me the most joy and not just on Feb. 14, but everyday!!

I love you, Brian, more and more everyday!!!

Saying goodbye...

Why is it so hard to say goodbye to those who pass? Knowing that they are now in eternal rest, we are left here without them. I had to say goodbye to a wonderful man today. One who my husband and I met 16years ago when we went through the RCIA process together. He was such a wonderful example as to how to live life. He made everyone feel so special. When I finally waited out the crowd to say hello to his widow, she said "He loved people so much!" He did and people loved him so much. Our priest gave the most beautiful homily on living life. We should keep people like Bill alive by living by his example. Just as we are to live like the saints did. Just by living the day to day life well. We may not have to become martyrs or physically live through trials like some have before us, but when we do have our struggles and difficulties, let us be able to say "I can do this only because I have a wonderful example from which to pull strength from." Thank you God for the gift of my friend whom I feel privileged to have known these past 16 years. He was always smiling and always at peace and truly a gift to all who knew him. I will miss you Bill!!!

Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon them. May they rest in peace. Amen.

Raising Saints

WOW! What an incredible and special vocation we have. As I was yelling at my wonderful child who made an innocent mistake making dinner because she didn't listen and obey me, I heard God say "You are raising saints!" I had to stop and realize that my screaming at her would not get her to Heaven. So I calmly explained the mistake and reemphasized that she needed to obey me, even when she didn't agree or understand. Why is it so hard for them to obey and why do we lose our patience so easily? Because there are ones who don't want us to become saints and so they are waiting for the perfect moment to attack. They can't come in however unless we let them in. So don't let your guards down, even for a moment. Pray in those moments to your angel, and let him help you battle. We can't do it alone.

We don't have a choice with our children. They are ours for only a little while and we are completely responsible. What an awe inspiring thought to realize. After this realization, I have come to find patience easier. I have come to love these souls that have been chosen just for me. How blessed are we that we have received these gifts and how many people miss out on all of this because they don't truly understand. You were chosen by Him for these souls. Why were we chosen, because we were open to His will. I have been able, in the last few days, to come to this understanding and realize that they truly were created in His image, and so was I and I better act like it. The only way to be His image is to be truly present with Him each day, all day. The way to do that is through prayer. Pray often and be fruitful. Spend time listening to Him through your children. It's amazing how well we can hear Him when it comes through our children. Love them for who they are and love you for who you are.

Pray for all of the people out there who aren't open to life and who don't realize these gifts. Pray that they come to fully understand before it's too late.

Prayer...

So for the last few weeks, months, whatever...I have been feeling like I have been praying inadequately. Not so much that I don't spend time in prayer. Throughout each day I offer up all my prayers as the days go by, but I haven't been spending enough prayer time just listening. Because of this, and the craziness of my life lately, I felt called to get "order" back into my home and spend more time with just He and I. That would be great if that were His plan as well. I spent all weekend rereading A Mother's Rule of Life by Holly Pierlot. First things first are to get your prayer life scheduled and one for your children. Well I got right to it and was doing wonderfully working around the schedule and then my father had to have surgery. We brought him home from the hospital and my children collapsed into their beds and fell right to sleep and I thought, for a brief second, "oh no, they didn't say good night prayers." Then it hit me. My whole day had been in prayer. I was the one there sacrificing all to be there for my mother and father. My children had given up their mother for the day so that I could be there to love and support my parents. What an incredible lesson for us to all learn. So even though I didn't get to say my "prayers," I was in prayer all day. By living the life He has called me to and by saying yes when He asks. My wants have been to be alone with Him, but He is obviously saving that for another time. Once again calling me to self abandonment. What peace I had that night going to bed and surprisingly enough, I had time to be alone with Him. Even if it was brief as I fell off to sleep.

Pray where you are, don't wait for it to be the right time. Right now IS the right time. It doesn't have to be formal or ornate. Just spend time with Him where you are, wherever that may be. God bless!!

Finding what you need in the Eucharist

All of us who are still in shock are wondering "What now?" We need to have faith! When we question something in life, we can find ALL the answers we need in one place here on earth. It is THE place where Heaven joins us all lowly and brings us the ONLY thing we truly need. So go to Him when you are weary and week. Go to Him for nourishment and support. Go to Him whenever you can, just Go to Him. He sits there waiting for us daily and is so happy to see us come. Our priest today at Holy Mass was a visiting priest and he made such an honest thought of him as a child. He said he worked so hard to earn money for a pair of pants that he wanted, but would he have ever worked so hard to get to mass? Why is it that we take the greatest gift ever given for granted? What would we do without it? What if we run out of priests because we don't want to give up the thought of grandchildren, or because we wouldn't want our son to give up so much in life?

Find the gift that is the Eucharist and go, go, go! Spend time with Christ as often as you can. Pray with Him, plead with Him, thank Him for all you have. For without Him it wouldn't be yours!!!

While reading about Mother Angelica and the amazing journey she went through to build EWTN, I read about how she would sit in adoration and ask for the conversion of all those souls driving by the church. Many people would stop, not knowing why. They would just come in and say "something made me pull in here." What an amazing power He has when we are willing to listen!

Now, I also need to spend more time with Him, so these thoughts are as much for me as for anyone else who is reading this. Peace be with you all and may you find it in the Eucharist!